Lessons from the Road: Letting Go of How Things “Should” Be

Nov 22

Words for the Wanderer

Full-time travel has been the ultimate exercise in letting go of how I thought things were supposed to be and embracing them for exactly what they are. Whether it’s a town that isn’t quite what we expected. A campground that looked a lot better online than it does in person. Or the weather turning unexpectedly bad and making it nearly impossible to live our outdoor lifestyle. In the most difficult and most frustrating of moments, I’ve gotten really good at letting go of the picture in my mind and pinpointing the (sometimes hard to find) beauty that is always always present.

I knew before we sold our house and left everything we knew behind that in doing so I would be releasing control and stepping fully into going with the flow and finding the beauty in everything, exactly as it is. I just had no idea how right I was.

Last April, we had our first big holiday on the road. We were still living in Airbnbs at the time. The house we were staying in in California had beautiful orchards + gardens all around it. An older house that had been renovated, it still retained all the charm -beautiful shutters over the windows, creaky wood floors, arched doorways, a mini door to the rooftop from the upstairs bedroom and views for days. Only 30 minutes from the beach, it was the perfect spot to be for the holiday.

Easter morning came early, and I had prepped all the usual things - paper gift bags (instead of our traditional baskets) filled with a few candies, new tshirts, a couple trinkets…minimal, but enough to feel special. Muffins prepped for breakfast and dyed eggs ready for hunting outside in the orchard. I tried everything to bring our usual traditions and meaningful fun into our new environment so far from home.

The morning started off great, but of course at some point during our festivities one of the kids got upset about something (inevitable). In a moment of frustration, they said “this isn’t how it’s supposed to be!”

At that moment, it was like a shot straight to the heart. In the process of leaving the only home we’d known for 10 years, family and friends, and basically everything we knew, I carry the weight of feeling responsible for the kids adjusting well, feeling loved, feeling grounded and safe and well, thriving. The weight of it has shifted over time as I’ve given myself more grace and also as we’ve adjusted to our new lifestyle, but it’s always there. I knew it would be something I’d have to carry with me, and I knew it would be heavy. It was one of my biggest fears when we decided to completely change our lives. So after hustling and devoting so much of myself to making the morning special, it stung extra painfully to hear those words.

But as morning turned to afternoon, and we savored a beautiful church service, lunch at an outdoor deli nearby and a long, idyllic sunny walk on the beach, we all talked about how it was maybe our favorite Easter ever. It was so different and didn’t carry the same traditional vibes of Easter’s past, but being present in the moment and absorbing the beauty and magic of exactly where we were and what we had the privilege of experiencing was everything.

Now, months later, the kids will all tell you it was such a special day and stands out as their most favorite Easter ever. The unfamiliartiy that thwarted those few moments of the morning became the key ingredient to a day none of us will ever forget.

But it wasn’t until we were able to get go of what was and what we expected things to be, that we were able to fully embrace the magic of what was right in front of us.

I’ve learned this over and over and over in the 11 months we’ve been gone, traveling to unknown places and learning how to find the joy in every circumstance. There have been some weeks where it would have been easy to say - this is too hard! Let’s just forget it all. But in doing so, we’d be trading all the magical moments we’ve experienced for the immediate gratification of comfort. And we’d be training ourselves to believe that we can only be content, happy and thriving if our environment is just so.

Not only sitting in the discomfort of hard situations and unfamiliar places, but finding the literal joy in doing so continues to change us at a core level. It’s showing us that no matter what we face in life - what our circumstances or environment is - it is always possible to find beauty and joy and all the best things in life.

I’m so grateful for these lessons and these opportunities to walk through the fire and come out the other side stronger, more resilient and with more presence than before. Full-time travel has thrown us into the deep end and given us no choice but to learn these things, but it’s obviously not the only way to ingrain the practice of gratitude, contentment, joy and presence into our lives. We can do it anywhere and under any circumstances when we’re intentional and always seeking it out.

How are you choosing to do this in your life, wherever you are and whatever your circumtances may be?